I was at my chiropractor’s office today to get an x-ray of my hips.
The idea was to see the condition of the hip sockets, especially the
right one. Basically there is cartilage which separates the head of the
femur and the socket. This allows for functional movement of the head
without rubbing the interior bone. The problem presented in arthritis is
that cartilage deteriorates and when that happens, the bones begin to
touch and grind.
He looked at the x-ray and smirked at me
when I pressed him for his opinion and said, “basically it’s the hip of a
65 or 70 year old.” (He’s been right there with me since the beginning
of my health condition, and we are friends, hence the informality.) He
went on to inform me that it could be worse, since there still is some
cartilage present. And, the cool thing is that there are so many
advancing techniques and methods of improving problems such as this. For
instance he continued, Payton Manning flew over into Europe for a
therapy which is currently not approved for use in the US. This therapy
seeks to stimulate the growth of new cells, which could allow doctors to
replenish lost cartilage. Though unsuccessful for him at this point,
the work is out there.. Quite impressive and hopeful for anyone
suffering from a debilitating problem.
Later on in the day
as I pondered our conversation and my current situation, I had to enjoy
the moment. I was walking out of Dominicks back to the car when I
introduced a gloomy thought to myself, something to the effect of how
horrible life is since I can’t do something simple like just start
running. (Being an impact type of movement, it would cause undue force
on the problem area.) As my strong arms lifted and lowered my body down
into the driver’s seat, I began to smile. How stupid is it to look at a
group of activities that I would love to do and get down in the dumps
over it, when I have such a host of undeniable blessings? I mean for
crying out loud, five years ago at this time, my right leg was 100%
incapacitated. I couldn’t move it for fear of excruciating pain. I had
to sleep in a recliner that friends from church loaned us. My mom had to
tuck me in each night, complete with strategically placing pillows
under knees and lower legs and covering me up with a blanket. I can
remember a time when I could barely maneuver with my crutches from my
recliner across the room, past the kitchen table to the bathroom, or
having to sit on a stool in the shower. Now contrast that to me walking
out of the store, all by myself, confidently moving across the parking
lot to the car which I drove, hop in, turn up the radio loud, and drive
into the setting sun. How incredibly blessed I am! I can feel and think.
I can see that beautiful sunset. I can hear the music which I so adore.
My awesome foot that doesn’t swell anymore can perfectly slap the gas
pedal.
But that isn’t what I started out to say.. Back to
the fact that I have a 70 year old’s hip. It struck me that that means I
have the experiences of a 70 year old. I can think and feel like a 70
year old, somebody who knows what it feels like to have enjoyed tough
sports in years past, those long bike rides through the woods or the 6
hours spent playing volleyball with friends. But at the same instant,
someone who knows what it feels like to have incapability, not because
of a lack of practice, but because of years of physical turmoil and
consequent damage.
But I’m not an old man, I have the
heart and desires of a 23 year old man. So somewhere in that weird mix, I
believe a huge blessing is hiding. A blessing called perspective, or
perhaps insight. I am so like my peers, and yet I have both limitations
and perspectives which make me so different. Sometimes I catch glimpses
of the opportunity for a beautiful future. Other times I cry and hurt
because of the past and present. But in all, I strive to live. I truly
believe God has given me the gift of unending desire for life- survival.
And I sincerely hope that some day the purpose for this will be before
me and that perhaps I will have the opportunity to use those
perspectives and insights in such a way to bring satisfaction to my life
and glory to my Father. I think there are two things which give me the
hope that I contain: my blessing of survival and the anticipation of
God’s planned out future for me.
The ties that
bind us to life are tougher than you imagine, or than anyone can who has
not felt how roughly they may be pulled without breaking. You might be
miserable without a home, but even you could live; and not so miserably
as you suppose. The human heart is like india-rubber; a little swells
it, but a great deal will not burst it. –Anne Bronte
Should
I shrink from the work that God had set before me, because it was not
fitted to my taste? Did not He know best what I should do, and where I
ought to labour?—and should I long to quit His service before I had
finished my task, and expect to enter into His rest without having
laboured to earn it? No; by His help I will arise and address myself
diligently to my appointed duty. If happiness in this world is not for
me, I will endeavour to promote the welfare of those around me, and my
reward shall be hereafter. -Anne Bronte
Cast down into the darkness
To stumble towards unknown
Only emptiness to hold on to
Only shadows to seek support from
So arm your heart with self-worth
Yet prepare for sorrow; and pain
Don't let the fear eat you from inside
Wear your weaknesses with pride
and even if you crush my body
And drain it 'til the last drop
You can never touch my spirit
You can never touch my soul
No matter; how bleak or how hopeless
No matter how hard or how far
You can never break my conation
Tear the will apart from desire -Insomnium
Jarred
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